Thanksgiving trauma

Emma Silva, Supervising Editor

Don’t let the Gossip Girl episode fool you. Thanksgiving is filled with suffering.

Good Ol’ Honest Abe kind of missed with Thanksgiving. The idea of bringing together a bunch of estranged relatives for like seven hours, with everyone either starving or disgustingly full, is not that terrific.

Don’t even get me started on if you accidentally wear ripped jeans. Suddenly your entire extended family become comedians. “Did you pay extra for those rips in your jeans?” And what if I did? Hmm? What if I payed premium dollar for these rips? Would that be so offensive?

And when your relatives start drinking wine? And the inevitable disagreements break out? Oh brother. Then the family secrets start flowing out at the same rate as the liqour. You walk out of Thanksgiving dinner with more knowledge than you ever wished to have.

Juliet Cortes ’23 shared, “One time my entire house lost electricity and dinner was practically ruined. We had to move everything to my sister’s house, where we did not have Thanksgiving dinner.” Like I said, Thanksgiving causes nothing but pain.

There was one shared experience that all of us likely suffered. That one Thanksgiving right after Harry Styles wore a dress. Trista Verne ’23 recalled, “I was in the trenches. It was the worst thanksgiving ever.”

Even more niche Thanksgiving traditions aren’t safe. Senior Charlotte Jordan reminisced, “One year my cousin got banned from IHOP. That was rough.” I didn’t ask for the backstory on that one.

And yes we love our families and none of this changes after thanksgiving. I’m just saying . . . things can get rocky.

So wear NON-ripped jeans and brace yourselves for a day of lovely craziness.

Happy Thanksgiving, Royals.