If this Royal was a Royal…


My new home. (Photo Credit: Flikr)

Emma Silva, Supervising Editor

After binge-watching “The Crown,” I have found myself wondering what I would do if I were queen for the day.

If I ruled over the great United Kingdom, my first act would be very simple. I would force Harry Styles to take my hand in marriage. I don’t care if I have to send the entire British army knocking down his door, he is marrying me. With him by my side as my king, I feel I can be the best ruler possible.

At this point, you’re probably sitting there wondering, “Is she gonna solve world hunger? Perhaps start an outreach program to the impoverished?” Yeah, probably. But those things are boring and we have a few things higher up on the agenda before I can start worrying about REAL issues that plague my new land.

Next, I’m dumping Britain’s tea out into the Thames. Even as ruler of the United Kingdom, I still bleed stars and stripes, baby. Besides, I’ve always been more of a coffee girl anyways.

I will also be disassembling the Royal crowns, so I can have the gold and silver melted down and the gems repurposed for a sick set of grills. Yes, I am back on the teeth thing. I want my chompers to sparkle.

I was born to wear a crown. (Photo Provided by: Emma Silva)

Now, it is time I start to use my new power to give back to the world, and really make a positive difference. That is why I will be forcing One Direction to get back together and exiling James Corden to Siberia. I will force my King (Harry Styles) to call up his four bandmates (yes, we are getting Zayn back too) and make them perform for me whenever I please. If I wake up and I’m in the mood to listen to “Stockholm Syndrome” by One Direction, I will simply ring a little bell, and my handmaids will bring the band up to serenade me.

As far as the James Corden thing goes, he is just annoying and I don’t want him in my new country, so he’s out.

Now, I will take the necessary steps to dismantle Parliament and rule as a total monarch. Constitutional monarchy is a copout anyways. You either have a king/queen or you don’t. None of this “separation of powers” nonsense.

As supreme queen, I will order my subjects to give me at least four compliments a day, and they have to really mean them, or else I will throw them into the Thames. I will be a great queen, and will deserve to be treated with respect.

Then I will start to fix the cost of living crisis and begin to offer reparations to countries Britain colonized, etc. But most importantly, I will whip the UK’s Olympic team into shape. It’s embarrassing how bad they lose in most events.

Honestly, the people of the United Kingdom would be lucky if I decided to overthrow King Charles. I totally have it in me, I just have a lot going on with college applications. So until I can pencil in a coup d’ etat, the people of the UK will just have to wait.