If you are anything like me, you spent the first monday of May like you always do, judging the couture outfits (many of which took teams of dozens and hundreds of hours of labor to create) with the utmost severity of criticism and judgement, all from the comfort of my full-sized bed and Walmart sweatpants.

Thus, I am convinced that WHEN I INEVITABLY (I am manifesting) get invited to the Met Gala, I will adhere so brilliantly to the theme and outshine all of these poser celebrities.

So here are a couple of killer outfits I would have donned if I was invited to Met Gala’s past.

2016 – Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology

I mean c’mon! Look how absolutely slay this look is! I believe in a strong adherence to theme, and I think this look just screams “fashion in the age of technology.” I assume that sitting down to eat the bougie meal served once I am inside might be a challenge in this look, so that’s why I would make sure this outfit is totally fashion-forward by outfitting the look with a button that shoots a table out of it. That way, I can stand at my own table, instead of having to sit with the other pleebs inside, like Kylie Jenner or Brad Pitt.

2018 – Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination.

My favorite Met Gala in recent years. I mean, it had so many iconic looks! So I have some real tough competition. Not to worry, though. I have had this look in mind forever, and I know it would slay. In an effort to be eco-friendly, I would pull a look from archives. I would wear Isabella Dascanio‘s ’22 “The Sound of Music.” Belle slayed so hard in this look, I just have to borrow it. Plus, I will be so on theme, the fashion police wouldn’t dare come for me.

2013: Punk: Chaos to Couture

This theme was so underrated. And all the celebs in attendance didn’t come CLOSE to doing it justice. If this theme was done today, and I was invited, I would wipe the floor with the fashion girlies. I would definitely have to borrow this makeup look from TikTok star Lil Huddy, and this killer hairstyle from Dixie Damelio. Tell me it wouldn’t totally give Johnny Rotten Sid Vicious 70’s punk edgy realness. For my look itself, I would have to borrow Kourtney Kardashian’s hubby’s infamous look. I just think this look is so authentic and I would absolutely slay it. I would also bring an electric guitar into the museum itself, and just play (without any practice or training) my best renditions of punk songs. I would do this not only during the gala, but also just on a day to day basis. When little New Yorker children take class trips to the Met, they would just see me absolutely JAMMING out in the most quiet of exhibits.

If the Met Gala is looking to finally spice up their attendees, and bring in ones that would actually do something impressive or interesting (I am looking at you KYLIE JENNER. DO BETTER!), they know how to reach me.