For those of you who have been living under a rock, Anna Jordan ’23 and I are once again script captains.

I frequently get asked the question: “How does it feel that you and Anna are against each other again?”

To be honest, the feelings are mixed. I love seeing Anna’s creation, but I also sometimes wish I could write with my best friend.

Nevertheless, we are once again divided. Therefore, she is my sworn enemy. So here is an open letter to my enemy, Anna Jordan.

Dear Anna,

What’s up, punk.

Excited to get your butt handed to you? Ready for me to wipe the floor with you, using 220 girls in tutus and glitter as my swiffer? You should be shaking in your boots.

Anna, we became friends freshman year right before quarantine. Our friendship blossomed through Zoom calls and in the mountains of Montana.

That’s all over now. You are dead to me. I’ve lost twice to you, and mama ain’t losing again.

I am not sending you a direct threat, but if your tires get mysteriously slashed, and your dogs go mysteriously missing… I am not gonna continue for legal reasons.

You don’t know what is coming your way. My jokes will zig; my allusions will zag.

We are finishing this as we started it. I am on gold, you on red. Except this year, I have three years of resentment building behind me. Brace yourself, Jordan.

If I am being honest with myself, I wouldn’t want to compete against anyone but you. You are brilliant, hilarious, and the best writer that has ever graced the Rosary campus.

And while for six weeks out of the year, you are my mortal enemy, the other 46 weeks you are my best friend.

I wish you all the luck, Anna. May the best team win (Gold will).

With love, Emma

If it isn’t painfully obvious, I mean all of these threats and trash talk as a joke. I am counting down the minutes until I get to see Anna’s brilliance performed on stage. If I win, I’m happy I won. If I lose, I am happy by best friend won.

Here’s to Anna Jordan, and here is to Red and Gold.