As a working barista of almost a year now, I have developed a passion for judging fellow guests at my workplace based on the coffee drinks they order. (Disclaimer: nothing I say in this article should stifle you from ordering the coffee you want. This is just another outlet of complaining for me). Without further ado, here are the coffee orders that I will 100% judge you on, if you order them.

1. Any type of Mocha

Now don’t get me wrong, I love chocolate and I love coffee; however, mocha drinks are the most childish drinks a person can order. Not only are you telling me that I have to make a drink with the highest labor demand on the menu, but also that you hate the taste of coffee so much, you want to mask it with the taste of rich chocolate. If you like chocolate so much, just order a hot chocolate, and save both yourself and your fellow barista some time and effort.

2. Cold brew with cold foam

Oh my gosh. This one makes me a little too passionately angry. I would not have such a problem with this drink if it weren’t for the fact that I have to hand make the cold brew every time someone orders it. My small coffee shop is not built for extravagantly flavored cold foam– please go to Starbucks ma’am–there is only so much I can handle. Every time I hear the phrase “cold foam” come from a customer’s mouth, I feel the urge to scold them. Please do not order this, I am begging. Please.

Please?

3. Half and Half Lattes

EWWWW. Why on earth? Actually why? And you want it hot? Like steamed half and half? Why? I am sorry if you genuinely enjoy this drink, however, my moral compass will not allow me to make this drink for you to ingest. Sorry. Not.

4. London Fogs

Now, this one I have mixed feelings on. The only reason I let this one slide without too much judgement is because of how good it looks. However, having to open a tea bag, pour hot water in, let it marinate, steam the milk, and pour that in, is kind of asking for a lot from me. I am just a teenage girl trying my hardest, and when someone asks for a London Fog, I feel as though they’re asking for the world.

5. DECAF COFFEES/LATTES

Last, but CERTAINLY not least is my enemy: decaf coffee. Dear lord, the forbidden orange coffee pot made specifically for decaf sits empty all day, until one old grumpy man comes in at 1:00 p.m., and hour before closing, and asks for a cup of decaf– making me start a whole pot just for him. Decaf coffees are enough to make someone want to smash everything they see within a mile radius. You might be thinking, “this is a bit dramatic” or “what if someone cannot medically have caffeine?”

I do not care. I am sorry. I simply cannot take starting a whole new pot of coffee just for someone to be partially satisfied with mediocre decaf coffee. Again, I’ll refer you to the lovely Starbucks next door, who probably coaches their employees in anger management and prepping decaf coffees beforehand, because simply, I lack the training for these things and refuse to learn.

At the end of the day, it does not matter what coffee drink you get and no one is genuinely judging you based off the coffee you order, unless you’re ordering at my workplace.