I am going to be fully candid, real, honest, and raw. The best part about Christmas is the gifts.

I know every single Christmas movie ever made would disagree with me, but it’s true. Those of you who disagree are just holding some imaginary moral high ground and secretly agree with me.

Stocking-stuffers are a nice little warm-up or cool-down to your other gifts. Whether it be some of your favorite candies, some soap, or some nice fuzzy socks, stocking-stuffers just enhance the experience of Christmas.

Put it this way, Christmas morning without stocking stuffers is like instant hot cocoa made with powder and hot water. It’s fine, but if it was made with milk (stocking-stuffers), it would be perfect.

Not all stocking stuffers can be wins, though. Here are some you should probably avoid:

1. Tampons

Look, the pink tax is real and it sucks. Tampons are taxed as a luxury item, so receiving them is sort of like receiving a nice designer handbag. But there’s just something about Santa being concerned for your menstrual cycle that is just off-putting. Plus, opening those things in front of your dad is just weird. This is a no-no.

2. Lighters

Imagine receiving a lighter from Santa. Just think about it. The only version of Santa I can imagine giving the children of the world lighters for Christmas, is a really straggly and tattooed Santa who wears jean cut-offs and smells like ash. It just isn’t a very nice gift.

3. Self-help books

What are you trying to say, Santa? Huh? I would rather my grandparents not watch me receive a book titled “How to Stop Worrying and Start Enjoying Yourself.” Some things are private, Santa. This gift is a blatant HIPAA violation. If Santa DARES to put this in my stocking… let’s just say I will be less ecologically conscious. Have fun trying to send me self-help books from a MELTED NORTH POLE.

4. Deodorant

Self-explanatory.

5. SAT prep books

These are definitely useful. And maybe some people want them. But this is my article. So I am saying this would suck as a stocking-stuffer. Way to suck the fun out of Christmas, Santa.

6. Tide Pens

This is a gift for a woman well into her thirties. God, Santa, I just want to enjoy my youth a little bit longer. Is it so wrong to want like, I don’t know, candy for Christmas? But a Tide pen?! Might as well hand me a 401k, unsatisfactory job, and mortgage while you’re at it.

7.  A donation in my name

BEFORE YOU ALL RIOT, HEAR ME OUT. I don’t want credit for a donation; just donate it in your own name, Santa. It feels weird and self-righteous.

8. Gym Membership

Trying to say something, Santa?

In all honesty, this time of year we need to count our blessings. And gifts don’t really matter.

So count your blessings, even if you awake to a stocking full of tampons and Tide Pens on Christmas morning.

Merry Christmas, Royals.