Backpacks, backpacks, backpacks. We all carry them, and we all trip over them when walking through the classroom.

These precious backpacks also carry our beloved laptops, textbooks, and emergency tampons.

But what do the Royals have in their bags?

Julianna Ortiz ‘23 carries around a pop-it bracelet, several wrappers, and a…..fortune cookie?

Julianna says, “The fortune cookie has been living in my bag for two weeks. I thought I would eventually eat it, but it’s just been slowly dying in there.”

Trista Verne ’23 has her backpack loaded with nasal spray. She can be seen publicly shoving the nozzle up her nose in public. Everyone around her fantasizes about stealing it from her backpack and throwing it into the closest bio-hazard receptacle. She says, “I am constantly ill. As long as I can breathe, I don’t care if people think I am utterly ranicd.”

Charlotte Jordan ’23 carries around 8 lip balms, in case, I don’t know, her lips lose all moisture and she needs a four year supply of ointment. Charlotte defended herself when questioned why would anyone need so many lip balms: “I don’t apologize. I don’t think it’s rancid. I need a different one for the different vibes.”

My peers may accuse me of being a hypocrite for criticizing their backpacks. I am nothing but transparent, so I too will expose my backpack.

My backpack contains all of the books we have read so far in AP Lit. Yes, including the summer reading ones. I’m just scared one day I’ll need it. I also have a broken headband and fourteen Kit-Kat wrappers. No explanation for those. No apology either.

When asked if she has anything strange on her desk or in her bag, Ms. Barclay revealed Native American gum that was meant for last year’s class, a ball of twine, and wait for it… a disguise. She said it’s for, “when students try to talk to her.” Figures.

And for a grand finale, Alex Bohn ’23 revealed one loose earring.: “I’ve had this backpack since fifth grade, so I would guess it’s just been floating around there for eight years.”

Let this serve as a reminder, Royals: clean your darn backpack.