I’ve been contemplating on how to start my last article for the Royal Reporter because how can I even begin to reflect on all the wonderful memories I’ve shared and experienced here at Rosary? I wanted to do a reflection on my years here and say a final goodbye to the place I’m so privileged to have called my second home these past four years. Yes, how do you even begin to sum up four years into one singular article? I can’t promise much, and I know I’ll leave things out because it’s impossible to remember all the little moments–the moments that didn’t seem like much when they happened but actually mean a great deal now that the hands of time are fast approaching the hour of graduation–but I’ll do my very best to do some justice to the gift that has been my high school experience here at Rosary.

There is no best or right way to start something like this. I just have to start writing. And see where my mind and the words take me.

Dear Freshman Year Me,

Freshman year will be a year of many firsts for you. Your first year of high school. Your first year of high school dances. Your first year of taking finals. Your first year of Red and Gold. And too many more to remember. And I know you’re scared. And you’re probably not quite sure why, but I do. And I want you to know you’re going to be just fine. You care so much about what everybody thinks of you, but you don’t use half of that time to just simply care for yourself. If I could turn back the hands of Time and freeze them for a few minutes, I would go back to envelope you in a warm embrace and plant a soft peck on your forehead. Because you are so much more worthy of love and the joys of life than you think you are. And I’m so sorry anyone ever made you feel like you weren’t enough and deserving of living the life you had always dreamed of. When I look back at freshman year, I would definitely have to say my favorite memory was Red and Gold. You are going to have the absolute best time of your life. And little do you know that not getting your first choice pick for drama would be one of the best things that ever happened to you.

Oh, and you are so much more than your grades. This will take you a few years to fully realize, but I’m just letting you know now.

And on a more positive note, you know those girls you met at Freshman W.O.W? The ones you immediately clicked with and started joking around with as if you had known each other forever?

Those are the same girls you still call your best friends to this very day.

And you’re going to realize pretty soon how lucky you are to have them in your life.

You will have a fantastic freshman year, filled with lots of laughs, weird lunch conversations, and meeting new, wonderful people that will love you for you, quirks and all.

Just make sure to enjoy and savor every moment in the present. Because one day you want to look back on all those memories you made with a fond reminiscence.

(Spoiler Alert: you do).

Sending you all my love,

Mary

Dear Sophomore Year Me,

Oh God, where do I even begin? You don’t know this yet, but sophomore year will be one of your favorite years of high school…and also one of the most trying years, which you’ll realize come March 2020. But before I get to that, I want to assure you that your sophomore year pre March was absolutely incredible. One of the first memories I remember from sophomore year was the sophomore retreat. Little do you know that this retreat will be nothing short of life changing. You will share so many laughs, deep and absolutely ridiculous conversations, and this retreat will mark when you are finally able to get vulnerable with one of your closest friends. And that decision will help you grow so much closer to the rest of your friend group. Thank you for taking that chance. Thank you for letting your friends in. Because you’ll never regret it.

This was really the year of you deepening your connections with your friend group, and you’ll see your friendships develop as you share more formative experiences together, like your first homecoming, winter formal, and practicing for Red and Gold. Speaking of which, this will be your first year as a Red and Gold Choral Captain. And I know you will soon get extremely stressed out and worry about every little minor detail that goes wrong. But it will also be one of the best experiences of your life, and being a captain will teach you so much about leadership, performing, and building new friendships with people not in my grade. You will love this experience so much that you will be a Choral Captain junior year and senior year.

And spoiler alert: you’ll love those experiences too.

There were so many other wonderful memories made this year, and if I wrote about all of them, this article would be a whole other “Jane Eyre,” but just know you’ll still treasure all the growth and steps outside of your comfort zone that you made years later, and I thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart for it.

Now, I suppose I have to explain the elephant in the room at some point. Look, you will not have a Red and Gold performance this year. You won’t have a spring dance or MORP. You won’t take finals second semester. You won’t even physically be in school after March 12, 2020. What will soon be one of the scariest, worst days of your life. And you’ll soon see why all of these things get cancelled, but I want you to know this when it feels like the world is falling apart right in front of your eyes: you will be okay. You will get through this. The world will get through this. I know you will be frustrated, angry, sad, and scared. And I want you to know it’s okay to feel those things. They’re not “negative” or “bad” feelings. They are emotions that need to be honored, felt, and processed. Give yourself grace. Take care of yourself. Your family will help you get through it. And I know it will feel like the world is ending. But I swear it’s not. The world will keep turning, and life will go on. You will survive this.

I promise.

Sending you all my love,

Mary

Dear Junior Year Me,

I’ve been debating on how to break it to you, but I think I’m just going to give it to you straight: junior year is going to be a rollercoaster, with a lot of peaks but also with a lot of dips. And after Red and Gold, junior year is especially going to test you in more ways than one. Don’t get me wrong, there were a lot of great memories: Rosary Day and actually being able to put on a Red and Gold (albeit a lot differently than freshman year) being the highlights of the year. But the combined effect of having a different schedule every 5 seconds, a not so smooth transition from hybrid to all in person learning, and the stress of juggling a heavy course load, with Red and Gold practice, the tennis season, and AP exams…well, let’s just say, you’re going to be sooooo burnt out by March. Not only that, but you’ll be struggling a lot with your faith second semester, constantly doubting God and questioning everything that’s happening in your life.

Remember when I said that you are so much more than your grades? Yeah, well, that starts kicking in right about this time. Even though you don’t fully process this truth until senior year, it begins to form in your mind while severely burnt out and counting down the mere seconds until summer break. And I know this is the last thing you want to hear during this time, but I have to say it.

Your mental health is more important than your grades.

Let me repeat it incase you didn’t hear me.

Your mental health is more important than your grades.

I wish I could prevent your burnout. I wish I could take away all the stress, and pain, and frustration from your shoulders and bear them on mine. I wish I could relieve your worries, and anxieties, and doubts. But I can’t. You will have to trudge your way through the burnout and stresses and all around frustration when nothing seems to be going right.

But you’ll get through it. It’s going to take months before all that pent up frustration from junior year finally dissipates, but you’ll get through it. Even though you don’t see it now, God is preparing me for such wonderful things. It will take you about a year to realize the full extent to which God was really working miracles in your life, but He is.

And if I could tell you anything, if anything I say will relieve the hurt, let it be this. Yes, life is going to be hard, it will knock you down, leave you gasping for breath and hunched over in unbearable pain. But God is always always good.

Remember that.

Sending you all my love,

Mary

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As I’m writing this with less than a week until graduation, I am left in awe at how transformative a year this was. I had always thought sophomore year was my favorite year (minus everything after March 12, 2020), but I think senior year takes the cake.

Oh Lord, I don’t think I’m even mentally prepared for this, but here goes nothing.

Let’s just say, the year started off pretty good with all the excitement of going back to school, but those pent up feelings from the end of junior year came storming back to remind me they had never really left. And honestly for a few months, these doubts and worries were always in the back of my mind.

Until Fall Kairos.

I know I can’t go into specific details about what exactly happened on the retreat, but I’m not exaggerating when I say Kairos actually changed my life.

I had been deeply insecure and unsure of myself for many many years and was struggling to build up any confidence in myself or any stable relationship with God. But the memories made and lessons learned during Kairos made me realize very quickly the true depth of God’s love for me. And from there, I kept having epiphany after epiphany. I swear it was as if I had been tripping around in the dark for centuries, and someone was finally kind enough to turn on the light. From November onward, I have been taking the truths I learned during Kairos to heart and have been constantly working to implement those truths and lessons into my day to day life and my day to day thinking. Because that was all I really needed to change. My mindset. The way I thought of myself, and the people around me, and the world around me. A mindset shift was all I needed to become the most confident and trusting in God that I have ever been in my life.

And was it hard at first? Oh God, yes. So incredibly frustrating that I thought I was doomed to never find peace with myself. But then, bit by bit, it got a little bit easier, and I was more consistently confident in my body and where I was at in life. And some days are still harder than others, but now I know that I have God on my side. And with God on my side, I will always prevail over whatever trial or tribulations dares to step in my path and block my way.

With this new mindset, I was able to encounter and be present for so much joy the year had to offer. Performing in my first Trinitas show, “It Starts with a Dream.” Having the absolute BEST time at winter formal. Spending one of the best weeks of my life trekking through Washington D.C. with some of my fellow Rosary Royals. Having a live Red and Gold performance for the first time since freshman year. Getting into my dream school. Having a wonderful night at Prom with my best friends and enjoying my last Rosary dance. The last week of regular school, Senior Awards Night, and the Senior Breakfast.

And now, as the days grow closer to graduation, I am just so blessed and grateful for all the growth and experience I’ve shared over the years at Rosary. There are simply too few words in the English language to fully encompass everything I have to say, so I’ll simply say this: thank you. Thank you to freshman year me. Thank you to sophomore year me. Thank you to junior me. And thank you thank you thank you senior me. Thank you for opening your heart fully during Fall Kairos and listening to your heart.

And most especially, thank you for doing your best every day to live the fourth.

And thank you Ms. Barclay and Journalism Period 3 for giving me a space to express my ideas and thoughts in an open forum. Being able to write for the Royal Reporter has been a highlight of my senior year, and I am forever grateful for the opportunity to give my voice a safe space and a welcoming platform to write about anything and everything that comes to my mind.

Again, from the bottom of my heart, to all the me’s of the past, present, and future, thank you.

This is Mary Nassar ’22, News and Creative Writing Editor, signing off…