BOO!

Did I spook you?

No? Well—whatever. That’s irrelevant anyhow! But I mean, you’re supposed to get scared, it’s the whole nature of Halloween! I mean, if pixelated words don’t scare you, then you’re breaking a law. The law of Halloween scares, and you have to be held accountable because—

Nevermind.

Thankfully, there are many, many people who have irrational or strange fears who can be scared in your place!

For example, senior Trinity Delacruz explains her irrational fear: “For some strange reason, holes. It may sound stupid, but it’s an actual thing. It’s called “trypophobia,” the fear of clusters of small holes. Seeing small holes close together has made my skin crawl since I was young, and I don’t know why. I literally get goosebumps. Please don’t put any pictures of holes on this article.”

Now for some reason, I feel strangely compelled to. However, I do not want to drive off trypophobians from this article. I mean, my article traffic is already making me nervous… 

So maybe I can settle for a small scare. 

00000oooooOoooOOOOooO000ooo0o0o0ooo00

Scary? Creepy? Giving the creepy crawlies? Mwahahahaha. Oh, I feel myself becoming evil. My morality!

Speaking of morality and philosophy and all things Bevins’, Mr. Bevins talks about his fears: “Most of my fears are fairly rational—death, being alone, being irrelevant. In terms of irrational fears, I would say I am most afraid of being in really dark rooms or tight spaces. Make it a really dark right space, and that would be the worst. The idea of being buried alive essentially is terrifying to me. Maybe that goes back to my fear of being alone or irrelevant…” 

Oh, man. It just got real existential and weird in here. Now I’m thinking about all of my fears and I’m spiraling, spiraling, spiraling, and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Don’t worry dear reader, I’m okay. Don’t be concerned, I just added a couple of ‘h’s to make it seem like I was getting truly terrified or something. I’m really fine. 

Or am I? 

If I will cease to exist when the clock clicks down, if the world forgets my name, if I made no difference—!

Ms. Barclay quickly intercepts this crisis with her own fears: “I fear my teeth breaking off when I eat skittles. I

also fear shark attacks even in shallow water which is why I don’t really go to the beach. Finally, I fear skidding off the road while traveling to the mountains which is also nonsensical since I don’t go to the mountains. I also know vending machines won’t give me my selection and I’ll be standing in front of it while others mock me.”

I would say something funny, but it’s all so relatable. Thankfully, this comes with its pros. No longer will I have to cower alone in front of vending machines, for Ms. Barclay will take all of the mockings while I get by scot-free. Is this… freedom… I feel? 

While Ms. Barclay theoretically gets a quick snack while also taking some smack from the people around her, I’m trying hard to console my dear friend over her fear of green ducks. Stephanie Li ‘22 says, “There was one day where I was sitting by a window trying to do something on my phone. Suddenly, a fly stopped at top of the window edge. So, I got intrigued and used my pencil to try to poke it because it was so ANNOYING flying around my ears. Anyhow, I was intrigued by its appearance. It was a very bright, dark green color. And magically, by trying to poke it away, it somehow died. So somehow whenever I see green ducks, I associate the fly’s color with them. It is quite a disgusting thing I associate those green ducks with, so whenever I see this color, I freak out.” 

It truly is a strange day when green ducks are the object of your fears. Imagine this: you’re having a delightful picnic in the park and suddenly you see a green duck. Maybe several. Your friends are wondering what has you so spooked but all you can say is, “Duck!” and they all promptly duck! What can you do now?! They’re only closer to the actual ducks by ducking down!

Okay—tough crowd. Yep. I heard you not laugh from over here, in the past. Anyhow, since I always manage to incorporate myself into my articles (talk about self-obsessed…), I think it’s time for me to mention my own irrational fear. I mean, I have a multitude: spiders, the dark, people watching me, plugs left plugged in, unlocked doors, people, bugs, dolls, clowns, birds pooping on me, people laughing at me in public, presentations, and etc.. However, my greatest irrational fear is people not reading my articles. So… you better save me!!! Ahh! Gotta read my articles, right? All the ones before and all the ones coming this year, huh? Oh man!!! Don’t let me get too spooked..!

The end. Unless you’re scared of the end? Like me too, but this whole article is about irrational fears and this is a safe place so… 

The beginning (?)