Adam Sandler.

I hate you Adam Sandler. I hate your movies. I hate your stupid face. I hate you.

“Emma, you can’t say that!”
“Emma, what has Adam Sandler ever done to you?”
“Emma, I loved Adam Sandler in *insert awful stinky poopy movie*”

I DO NOT CARE.
I loathe Adam Richard Sandler with the whole of my heart. His actions have violated the Geneva Convention.

Allow me to elaborate.

Adam Sandler has made the same movie so many times that I am starting to believe Elon Musk’s theory that we’re living in a simulation. The plot of EVERY comedy movie Mr. Sandler is involved in follows the same formula: Funny guy is cool and funny, Funny Guy meets/is best friends with Beautiful Woman, Funny Guy is in love with her/in love with woman much too young for him, Funny Guy realizes that Beautiful Woman is the one for him, Funny Guy and Beautiful Woman fall in love.

Throw in 6 dozen half-baked jokes, racial stereotypes, Drew Barrymore or Jennifer Anniston, and you have yourself an Adam Sandler blockbuster.

Or if you’re feeling raunchy, try this formula: Funny Guy has Funny Bestfriend. Funny Guy and Funny Bestfriend go on a crazy adventure. Funny Guy and Funny Bestfriend get into a fight, Funny Guy and Funny Bestfriend complete their adventure and make up.

Sprinkle in about seven million unfunny raunchy jokes, even more racial stereotypes, and some barely-concealed misogyny… BOOM! 100 Million dollars made in the box office.

I could write a manifesto on how much I hate Mr. Sandler.

He is the type of guy you see at the family reunion, who takes the last cheeseburger.

He is the type of guy to cough into his hands.

He is the type of guy to make passive aggressive comments about women’s sports.

He is they type of guy to not tip his waiter.

He is the type of guy, who is just abominably sweaty, so when you take a group picture, his back is just drenched.

“Emma, these are some serious accusations! You can’t say that about someone in the school newspaper!”

I do not care. You cannot tell me I am wrong. Take a moment to reflect. You know that I am right.

When did we as a society decide to like Adam Sandler? Don’t get me wrong, a few of his SNL moments were tolerable, but I don’t think we should be applauding him for them. Every single skit, he would break. No matter how averagely funny it was, he was cracking up, ruining the sketch for everyone else.

He isn’t funny. And I am so tired of people defending him. He has actually made some serious offenses. There is an article by the Washington Post that details his more serious offenses.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/04/24/adam-sandler-is-awful-and-its-all-our-fault/

I consider myself a somewhat loving person. I like everyone immediately, and don’t dislike them, until they give me something to dislike. But Adam Sandler, despite never meeting you, I loathe you.

I hate your stupid face. If I ever see you, I will resort to physical violence. Consider this a threat.

I hate Adam Sandler. And you should too.