You read the title right: it’s time to find out which of the celebrities of the English department you are, no questions asked (from you, that is). Will you be the unpredictable Mr. Bevins, the fresh-faced Ms. Swinnerton, the vegan Mr. Stegink, the whimsical Ms. Barclay, or the passionate Ms. Young? Make sure to keep track of which letters you answer. As Mr. Bevins would say, “Take the test already, it doesn’t take that long!”

1) It’s been a horrible morning, and to make things worse, you’ve realized that you left your coffee and lunch on the counter at home! You look at what’s left after rush hour that left the coffee machine in shambles at the Bevaris installment and you choose:

A) Smoothie/sweet beverage and cookies

B) Grilled chicken sandwich and chips

C) Only soda

D) My own water and a burrito

E) I will wait for them to fix the coffee machine while eating some chicken tenders and fries or a fruit salad

2) POV: Your butt hurts from sitting in Bevins’ room during class while listening to him completely disparage Odysseus’ character, and your eyes settle upon his cardboard cutouts. Who is your favorite among these characters? (It’s obviously not Dobby, I can tell you that much)

A) Harry Potter

B) Hermione

C) Legolas

D) Gandalf

E) Katniss

3) What is your favorite “Hunger Games” installment in the movie franchise?

A) Hunger Games

B) I don’t know if I can decide on one, maybe a final two?

C) Mockingjay: Part 1

D) Catching Fire

E) Mockingjay: Part 2

4) Would people consider you to be a snippy person? (The truth of the situation should have no influence on your answer.)

A) Sometimes, but only when I do something they don’t like

B) I don’t think so

C) Yes, but I’m aware of it

D) No, not really

E) Not to my face, but they probably did something to make me prickly

5) If you’re turning on a show/movie, it’s got to be something of what genre?

A) Dramedy/Thriller

B) Rom-Com

C) Fantasy

D) Sci-Fi

E) Drama/Documentary

6) What is your favorite holiday and why?

A) My birthday (I’m the most important thing to celebrate yearly.)

B) Valentine’s Day (Even when I’m not in a relationship, I like to treat myself!)

C) Easter (Spring break gives me time to be with my family.)

D) Halloween (I like to see everyone’s costumes, plus the candy doesn’t hurt!)

E) Christmas (It’s the longest I get to be away from other people, I get presents, and I get to see people I actually like to be with.)

7) Disaster strikes and you are stranded on a desert island: What will you do next?

A) I cry inconsolably, obviously.

B) Try to find food and maybe plan out a shelter for the night.

C) Enjoy some time being completely alone before starting to signal for help.

D) This is the best thing that has ever happened to me, “Survivor” is now my reality and I’m unbelievably happy.

E) This would never happen to me. I know it.

8) If you could have one super power, what would it be?

A) Super smarts

B) Flight

C) Invisibility

D) Super Speed

E) Mind control/telepathy

9) You’re at a sporting event of some kind and the other people in the crowd start to do the wave. It’s approaching you, what do you do?

A) Throw my hands up a little so no one is mad at me but not too much because I think everyone else looks stupid.

B) Throw my hands up because it’s fun and it doesn’t hurt to participate a little!

C) I do not move but I don’t make fun of anyone out loud.

D) I throw my hands up later than everyone else on accident.

E) I wouldn’t be caught dead at any sporting event (though maybe a Rosary one every once in a while).

10) You’re waiting in line for your food and end up surrounded by talkative people that are hinting that they want you to join the conversation. What do you do?

A) I chat along politely but I don’t speak too much.

B) I get into the conversation until we are far enough in line to separate.

C) I avoid eye contact until they ignore me.

D) I bring my spin on the conversation so that we eventually switch to something I like talking about.

E) I enter the conversation passionately to the point that they are impressed by my intellect and stop talking.

11) If you could have a useless talent, which would it be?

A) Being able to have an unlimited amount of raw potatoes on-hand at all times

B) Being able to juggle, but only when using bottles of water

C) Being able to automatically know how many coins are in someone’s wallet when you make eye contact

D)Being able to look at a set of Legos and know the most architecturally efficient and secure build available

E) Being able to know how many oranges someone has ever eaten (mainly just to unsettle them)

12) A crying child wanders up to you in a large and unorganized crowd, asking loudly for help. This causes others to look at you in anticipation of your response. What do you do?

A) Try to inform the child on rhetoric until they stop crying and then send them on their way

B) Try to calm them down and take them to the nearest central point to look for their parents

C) Tell them to go to a nearby place and ask to use the phone but do not accompany them

D) Calm down the child instantly only to begin to explain the plot of the novel you’re reading because no one else will listen

E) This is not my child, why would it talk to them

Mostly A’s: Ms. Barclay! You are someone that finds joy in strange but unique things, and no one is as cool as you (at least according to you). You tend to look for the best in people, but you don’t let people walk over you– unless you’re dealing with people at a restaurant/drive-thru, in which case you transform into a saint.

Mostly B’s: Ms. Swinnerton! So far the least jaded English teacher, you believe in the power of hard work and are extremely empathetic. You love seeing other people happy and celebrate when they have other opinions/interests than you, and people tend to know you for your inclination towards kindness and genuineness.

Mostly C’s: Mr. Bevins! You tend to like to observe more than experience, though you’ve found people that usually bring you out of your shell bit by bit. Your observances help you make more meaningful relationships, and you’re typically known for telling it like it is.

Mostly D’s: Mr. Stegink! Everyone knows you to be a caring soul that lends a helping hand to anyone that needs it. You surprise people with your intellect, but they shouldn’t be thrown off by the fact that you contain multitudes– if anything, it only makes you more fun to be around!

Mostly E’s: Ms. Young! You are extremely caring and protective of your loved ones, and people know you for your tenacity and strength. Being yourself is your superpower, and you blow people away with your smarts– let yourself have a big head every once in a while, you’ve earned it!

If you got an even distribution of answers, congrats! You are a combination of the teachers you have a tie for– you’re lucky enough to be similar to multiple English teachers.

I hope this quiz was enlightening, as I know it was for myself. With a strong line-up of passionate and intelligent English teachers, Rosary’s English department is hard to quantify into 11 questions (though I’m sure they’ll all have some feedback for me depending on their results). When you’re walking around Rosary’s halls, make sure to show your appreciation for your English teacher: I’m sure all of them (especially Mr. Bevins and Ms. Young) would love to hear some praise from their lovely students!