Sensei Clough

Mr.+Clough+explains+the+history+of+his+martial+arts+training.+
Mr. Clough explains the history of his martial arts training.

Mr. Clough explains the history of his martial arts training.

Photo Credit: O. Hennessey

Photo Credit: O. Hennessey

Mr. Clough explains the history of his martial arts training.

Olivia Hennessey, Arts and Entertainment Editor

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We all know him as the algebra/statistics wizard at the end of the 100’s hallway. He fills his classroom with enlarged versions of everyday objects. He’s the proud former proprietor of the Park View Café. He welcomes 8th graders to Rosary’s Campus with his zero period advanced math class.

He is Mr. Clough!

But perhaps what Mr. Clough is known for the best are his threats of ninja-like attacks. Any student of Mr. Clough’s knows the danger that awaits them if they do not do their homework or answer a question incorrectly: getting scissor-kicked off the balcony!

 

Photo Credit: O. Hennessey
Mr. Clough does a nunchuck demonstration.

But what exactly is the origin of the scissor kick?

The Royal Reporter decided to do an investigative report about Mr. Clough’s infamous scissor kicks.

Mr. Clough explains that the story goes all the way back to his childhood. He says, “I used to watch a show called Kung Fu Theater as a wee lad. So I learned at the feet of the masters. I practiced daily and was able to turn my talent and lighting fast reflexes into basic roundhouse kicks. Then I graduated up into the five fingers of death. Eventually, I was basically in the same league as Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan.”

His story isn’t all rainbows and butterflies, though.

“Not knowing my own strength, I was breaking my parents’ dishes right and left.  As a result, my parents banished me to the forest. Fortunately, this gave me an opportunity to hone my skills in their tranquility. Before I knew it, I was able to cut down a tree with a single chop. But even as my skills grew, the scissor kick was still the most elusive of the many attacks. I was never able to master it, until one day, a tortoise approached me in the forest and asked me what I was doing. I told him I was trying to do a scissor kick. He said, ‘Do or do not, there is no try.’ It was then that I received the inspiration I needed to achieve the mighty scissor kick.”

When asked to demonstrate the legendary kick on camera, Mr. Clough explained that there is no high definition camera with advanced enough technology to capture him in action.

“So then, after mastering the scissor kick, I traveled the world in solemn prayer and in search of new enemies to defeat. That is what lead me to Rosary, where I found the new challenges I needed.

O. Hennessey
Maddie Fetter ’18 and Mr. Clough in the ultimate duel.

“Eventually though, I found that most Rosary students when threatened with a scissor kick buckle down, do their homework, brush their teeth, and get a good’s night sleep in preparation for my class.”

Mr. Clough is no fool, though. “If the scissor kick ever fails, I have an entire arsenal to protect me: my Weapons of Math Destruction,” he says, pulling out his nunchucks and a wooden pistol. He states that contrary to common belief, the correct pronunciation of nun-chucks is “noon-chucks.”

Mr. Clough is celebrating his 25th year at Rosary Academy this year. He cites the opportunity to finally challenge Maddie Fetter ‘18 in a battle as his reason for staying so long.

In short, Mr. Clough is a great asset to the Rosary community and a ninja master. So if you’re not already in one of his classes, be sure to visit Mr. Clough in room 112 to wish him a happy 25th “Rosaversary!”

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