About three-ish weeks ago, I was having a tough day and decided the only thing that would make me feel better were the gourmet marshmallows I had discovered on TikTok and had been obsessing over for about a month—specifically, the wackily-flavored marshmallows created by The Marshmallow Co. on the Central Coast of Australia. It was a pricey and spontaneous purchase, but boy, did it give me something to look forward to—I think I checked my front porch and mailbox literally everyday after I ordered them.

Thankfully, the little squares of mallow-y goodness arrived this week, so I put together the most reliable, brutal, and best-looking team of food critics Rosary has ever seen: myself, senior Anna Jordan, and Dame Barclay ’94.

To begin, upon opening the package, we were all startled by the unprecedented size and density of these marshmallows. I don’t think any of us had ever encountered a marshmallow with substantial weight, and feeling how richly packed with mallow these babies were made me feel a little better about spending $8-ish per pack of three. We tackled three flavors in this order: Strawberries and Cream, Cake Batter, and S’mores. Our deliberations were as follows:

#1: Strawberries and Cream

First off, the marshmallow’s cute blend of pink and white colors made me want to try it the second it arrived. After opening the package, the smell of strawberry flavoring and marshmallow powder threw me for a loop for a bit because it was so powerful, but luckily, I was not deterred. All three judges ended up loving this flavor, with Mrs. Barclay describing it as “surprising, light, airy, with just the faintest taste of Australia.” This marshmallow get the Royal seal of approval.

#2: Cake Batter

The next step was Cake Batter, whose adorable sprinkles were visually appealing, but whose sugary smell packed a wallop like its strawberry cousin. This marshmallow was a bit off-putting from the first bite, as the sprinkles were much crunchier than I thought, though that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. After tasting this flavor, Barclay and I agreed it wasn’t what we were expecting, maybe a little lotion-y, but it wasn’t terrible—Anna, however, gagged excessively and claimed to have been afflicted with a migraine after consumption. When asked for a final review, Anna shared, “It tastes like See’s Candy and Bath and Body Works had an ugly child.” Please do not be deterred by one panelist’s opinion, it really was not that bad.

#3: S’mores

I saved this flavor for last because it was the one I was most excited for: the chocolate chips and crumbled graham crackers on top looked delicious, and the idea of a s’mores marshmallow seemed like meta-commentary on human evolution. The smell was way less offensive than the other two, carrying a more subtle chocolatey aroma.

Sadly, however, the higher the pedestal, the harder the fall, and boy did this puppy take a tumble. If you don’t go in with the expectation of s’mores, it’s decent, but that was not our mindset. As someone whose parent used to work for Herbalife, I immediately identified the taste as Herbalife’s chocolate protein milkshake, so if that’s your thing, all power to you; however, this panel was disappointed.

Our opinion did not go unchallenged, however, as outside consultant Joy Harfouche ’23 actually enjoyed the s’more flavor, sharing, “I thought it was pretty good! Not really s’mores-y, but solid mallow nonetheless.” Well, you know what they say: there is truly something for everyone!

Conclusions

What should you take away as a potential future marshmallow-purchaser? Us panelists recommend that you stick to the fruitier flavors because they translate more gracefully to marshmallow form than their more savory counterparts, and to have copious amounts of water nearby, because these bad boys dehydrate you quick. If you enjoyed this review, keep an eye out for part two, when our panel of judges determines whether Marshmallow Co.’s vanilla marshmallows make good s’mores!