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The midafternoon light filtered lazily into the bustling world of Journalism (a UC-approved course taught by the incomparable Ms. Barclay). With conversation flying faster than an asp, the Royal Reporter had much to discuss. The Friday discourse turned to the subject of the newest Marvel shows, and Ms. Barclay’s interest in the highly-appraised world of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) was piqued.
“I simply do not know where to start—there are just so many movies,” Ms. Barclay proclaimed, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation.
Luckily for Ms. Barclay and any others intimidated by the twenty-three (and counting) movies in the MCU (not to mention all the new shows), two self-proclaimed Marvel experts, Royal Reporter staff writer Anna Jordan ’23 and copy editor Serena Park ’21, have come to the rescue, offering this list of every single Marvel movie summed up in one sentence each.
For the sake of any timeline confusion, this list will be in chronological order, not by release date.
1. Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
Man gets buff in the forties and fights in WWII, but he ends up in the future.
2. Captain Marvel (2019)
The epitome of a girlboss, an Airforce pilot turned superhero (or is it the other way around?).
3. Iron Man (2008)
Rich genius man makes cool suit and is humbled a little.
4. Iron Man 2 (2010)
Government wants cool suit, rich genius man refuses to hand it over.
5. The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Don’t bother, trust us.
6. Thor (2011)
Norse mythology but Natalie Portman is also there.
7. The Avengers (2012)
Gang’s all here and New York gets attacked by aliens
8. Iron Man 3 (2013)
Rich man refuses to privatize suit and is attacked by health fanatics.
9. Thor: The Dark World (2013)
Evil elves wake up and Loki is being silly again.
10. Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
Buff man’s dead bestie is alive and evil.
11. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Outlaw squad with hearts of gold in space to an eighties soundtrack and fight galactic colonization.
12. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 (2017)
More eighties music in space.
13. The Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
Evil robot, more of the gang, and there’s also super twins.
14. Ant-Man (2015)
15. Captain America: Civil War (2016)
Buff man and rich genius man get in a squabble.
16. Spiderman: Homecoming (2017)
Sticky freshman fights crime and idolizes rich man, but he’s also just a normal teenager.
17. Doctor Strange (2016)
Neurosurgeon can’t use his hands and gets magical powers from Tilda Swinton.
18. Black Panther (2018)
Prince in Wakanda becomes King but uh-oh! here comes a cousin?
19. Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
Jeff Goldblum (plus more Norse mythology and the Hulk instead of Natalie Portman).
20. Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)
I repeat: Paul Rudd.
21. Avengers: Infinity War (2018)
Squad up plus dusty friends and lots of fighting.
22. Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Dusty friends get cleaned up and there’s even more fighting.
23. WandaVision (2021)*
Android and magic woman live in sitcoms.
24. The Falcon and The Winter Soldier (2021)*
Buddy cop show but they hate each other– also it’s buff man’s dead bestie and his living bestie.
25. Spiderman: Far From Home (2019)
Sticky freshman (now sophomore) goes to Europe and there’s Jake Gyllenhaal.
Congrats! You just saved yourself from sixty hours of the most attractive ensemble in cinematic history. But don’t worry, there are at least fourteen more movies and two more shows in the works, and it’s never too late to get into the fandom.