Kit Kat-astrophe

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Photo provided by Caroline Linton

Caroline Linton ’21 demonstrating how she eats her Kit Kat.

Serena Park, Copy Editor

It was a Journalism class like any other, the staff working hard on their articles for the week, and Ms. Barclay rummaging through her desk for trinkets and knick-knacks to give out.

But everything changed when Mr. Stegink walked into Room 208.

After Mr. Stegink chatted with some students and Ms. Barclay about what each of us were writing about for the week, Ms. Barclay discovered a Kit Kat in one of the drawers in her desk of wonders. She offered it to Mr. Stegink, who obliged and jumped down from his perch atop a desk.

After returning to his makeshift seat, he began to unwrap the classic Hershey chocolate wafer bar, more than six feet away from anyone else as per Covid safety guidelines.

This is where everything goes wrong.

But first, some background.

The Kit Kat, which usually comes in packages of two or four connected bars, boasts the famous tagline, “Have a break, have a Kit Kat.” This tagline points to the way that you’re supposed to eat the candy bar—by breaking off one individual bar at a time and eating the whole thing one by one.

Now, back to Mr. Stegink.

As he finished unwrapping the candy, I watched in horror as he completely skipped breaking apart the two bars he held in his hand. Like a lion and its prey, Stegink bit down on not one, but BOTH bars of the Kit Kat.

When asked about his unnerving manner of eating Kit Kats, Mr. Stegink simply responded, “I bite into it like any normal person would do. Indiscriminately. I don’t waste time in breaking it.”

But this is where he’s wrong.

A quick Google search and asking around told me what I suspected. While there are a few different ways to eat a Kit Kat, it is agreed upon that you should NEVER bite into more than one bar at a time.

Senior Madison Mojica-Ye ‘21 told the Royal Reporter that she eats her Kit Kats the same way that Kourtney Kardashian eats hers: “First I break off one bar. Then, I eat off the chocolate on both ends, then on all the edges. After that, I eat off the wafer layers one by one.”

However, Madi’s sister, freshman Mallory Ye ‘24, prefers to separate the bars and eat them one at a time.

Caroline Linton ‘21 eats hers the same way as Madi, saying, “It’s just more fun and it nicely isolates each flavor and texture!”

Needless to say, whether you bite into the bar or eat it layer by layer, the one thing to remember when eating the candy is to, “have a break, have a Kit Kat.”