Secret Lives: The English Department

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Secret Lives: The English Department

Rosary Academy's fabulous English department. Photo by Eddie Hernandez

Rosary Academy's fabulous English department. Photo by Eddie Hernandez

Rosary Academy's fabulous English department. Photo by Eddie Hernandez

Rosary Academy's fabulous English department. Photo by Eddie Hernandez

Marissa Pennino and Kiren Grewal

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Ahh, the English department—reminiscent of ego, genius, and camaraderie. As the self-proclaimed “most popular department on campus,” they are quite the quirky bunch. But, we have absolutely no idea what they do when they leave. We may think we know our English teachers, but the Royal Reporter went undercover to unmask the super-secret shenanigans they’re involved in outside of school: 

Ms. Young’s profile picture on, a website to meet fellow larp-ers. Photo by Mrs. Reinbold

Live action role-playing, also known as LARP, is a game in which participants physically act out their favorite roles from film, literature, or theater. Driving down Fullerton Creek Road one day, I saw a crowd of people gathered in Acacia park, clothed in full 15th century chain mail, complete with swords in hand. I squinted; whom did I see? Rosary’s very own English teacher, Ms. Young. 

Ms. Young, the world’s biggest Shakespeare fanatic, has “larp-ed” numerous plays, including MacbethHamlet, and King Lear.  

Before school, I get together a group of my best theatre buddies and go to our local park for a quick LARP sesh. I always keep at least two sets of chain mail in the trunk of my car, just in case.” She often drags her three-year-old son James into her LARP-ing tomfoolery: “Last week I made James act as Fleance from Macbeth. It was totally wicked.”  

So, if you ever see Ms. Young at a park dressed in full chain mail, immediately run in the other direction and, whatever you do, avoid eye contact.  


Your local vegan chickpea farmer, Mr. Stegink. Photo by Mrs. Reinbold

After receiving a degree in agricultural science from Yale and Harvard (yup, both), Mr. Ryan Stegink went on to fulfill his true aspirations in life: owning a chickpea farm. His 57-acre chickpea farm in Brea (behind Brea Mall) is his pride and joy, aside from his vegan diet.  

“I can’t really explain it, I just have a passion for legumes. I don’t know, call me crazy.” But it doesn’t stop here; it’s actually a family business. Mr. Stegink’s sister uses his chickpeas to run a multi-million dollar hummus business. Jealousy was lingering in his tone: “Yah, my sister’s the rich millionaire making bank on hummus and I’m the farmer, so what?” 

Our very own G-sharp belting English teacher. Photo by Mrs. Reinbold

Last week, I arrived at school at 6:40 a.m. on a late start day. As I was strolling through the Academy’s hallways, I heard a beautiful falsetto — surely Senora Kappe.  I was startled as I realized the noise came from Room 204. As I got closer, I could hear the voice hitting high whistle notes, something only an experienced vocalist could do. I opened the door to find it was Rosary’s own Mr. Rory Bevins! He was shocked to see a student had unveiled his dark secret: he is a world-renowned opera singer.  

The Royal Reporter was aghast to find out that while he did major in English at UCSB, Mr. Bevins had a secret minor: vocal performance with an emphasis on opera. In fact, Mr. Bevins covertly took part in two of UCSB’s Opera Theatre productions while he went to school.  

The Royal Reporter did some sleuthing and found an underground video of one of Mr. Bevin’s first performances at UCSB! 

At 1:27:48 you can catch a glimpse of Mr. Bevins wearing heavy makeup and a white powdered wig. What a star! 


Our stunningly gifted English chair, Tina Fey. Photo by Mrs. Reinbold

What do Mean Girls, Sisters, and Saturday Night Live all have in common? Emmy and Golden Globe award winner Tina Fey. What you might not know, however, is that Tina Fey’s real name is in fact Ms. Andrea Barclay 

That’s right Royals, since the early 2000’s Ms. Barclay has performed on SNL under the stage name Tina Fey. However, like Hannah Montana, Ms. Barclay wanted to keep her private life private. With a little prosthetic makeup and a new hairdo, Ms. Barclay is completely unrecognizable. 

Last Saturday, the Royal Reporter got face-to-face with her. But when confronted about her true identity, “Tina Fey” was flabbergasted and insisted “[she didn’t] know who this Andrea Barclay is! Away with you, plebeians!” We were ushered out, but we know your secret Tina, or should I say, Ms. Barclay! 


Ms. Barclay on her average night out. Photo by Mrs. Reinbold

In weeks to come, the Royal Reporter plans to unveil the secrets of each department in this riveting six part-er. Stay tuned.  


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