The event of the season is approaching, and its hold on Rosary’s population saturates each classroom. It’s not the Grammys. The Emmy’s passed, didn’t you hear? I would hardly call the VMAs an event of any season, let alone THE event.

No, I’m talking about Rosary Day, the mother of all events. Glittering rings, formal sweater vests with tights, alumnae storming campus, and listless, fidgeting period one classrooms wait for the morning as the promise of Disneyland dangles like a breakfast burrito on a stick for the rest of the day. As a student, I look forward to seeing my junior friends have their moment in the spotlight (and get to head to Disneyland, obviously), but every year I’m always extra excited to hear the honored guest speaker address the crowd of students, faculty, alumnae, staff, and family members.

However, this year, it’s different. No one knows who the speaker is. It’s a surprise.

This is revolutionary in my opinion considering there’s already so much excitement for the day itself, but what’s a little more anticipation to an already long-awaited celebration? As a journalist, however, my instinct is to hone my craft and uncover the truth. That is, after all, our duty here at the Royal Reporter.

Because I don’t wish to ruin the surprise (and I also have no idea who the speaker is), I’ll be offering speculation and partially harassing my top guest speaker suspects.

My first suspect was recent Homecoming Queen and possible recipient for every positive superlative, Emma Vasquez ’23. You’re lying to yourself if you couldn’t use some advice from Emma. Though it’s not quite orthodox to let a student be the guest speaker for Rosary Day, Emma is the perfect suspect for the job: after all, she’s well-liked, intelligent, and has a kind of star quality that only exists in people that light up the room, like Bridgette Sanders ’23 or Jackie Kennedy.

When I asked for a quote so that Emma could address the rumors about the Rosary Day speaker that I started about her, she said, “I would love to tell all of the juniors how proud of them I am, but I don’t think they let students do that sort of thing.” It’s exactly what I thought she’d say: a perfect charismatic deflection that only Emma or Harry Styles could pull off. I’ll have to keep an eye on her.

My next suspect was Mr. Bevins. He’s the perfect speaker candidate: he hates public speaking, loves existentialism, and is a favorite among the junior class. When I reached out for a quote, he denied a contribution because he was too busy polishing the spirit stick currently hanging on a board in his classroom, but I personally think it was an evasive maneuver to throw me off his scent. We all know he has endless inspirational things to say, and his ironically unironic school spirit is just as famous as his love for intimidating freshmen.

I started to depart down a different path: perhaps the speaker could be a beloved Rosary staff alum, like Mr. Gangler or Mr. Stegink. Then I remembered that Mr. Stegink spoke at Rosary Day my sophomore year and Mr. Gangler moved to Maryland, so that trail went cold.

This is when I started getting desperate. I checked Sonia Sotomayor’s recent whereabouts because I remembered I had to analyze a commencement speech for AP Lang one time and I thought she might want to give the College Board another rhetorical analysis source, but I was contacted by her security team and was issued a warning. I thought it best not to continue barking up that tree.

I briefly considered Ms. Barclay. After all, she frequently says she should be given time to speak at all important school events, although no one is sure what she means.

Then, it hit me: Taylor Swift! She did that one NYU commencement speech and she’s been teasing the release of “Midnights.” What kind of Swiftie would I be if I didn’t consider her as a suspect? After all, what better way to drum up hype for a Taylor Swift album than to address a crowd of teenage girls? After doing some research, it was pretty clear she was booked to be at a movie premiere for ther new murder mystery movie, but I haven’t ruled her out completely as a speaker. She is known for that private jet of hers…

Maybe it’s a different famous person! I think the best celebrity Rosary could hypothetically get for a school-specific event is probably Liam Payne, but I think he’d get booed off the stage. It’d be bad for the families and the children. Maybe not Liam Payne.

Or maybe… maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the Rosary Day speaker. Maybe I didn’t even know all along. Maybe that’s the surprise! You’ll just have to keep on counting the seconds until Rosary Day, just like me!