This is a MEGAARTICLE (pronounced meh-GAHR-tik-ul). Now, I know what you are thinking. Megaarticle? What is a Megaarticle? Well, to be completely honest, we really don’t really know what a Megaarticle is either, but let’s go on this wild adventure together for our very last article (cue tears).

This article is like no other. This article is a play or a script if you will. This article also includes “quotes” from our most beloved teachers, a poem, and some genuine parting words. Additionally, you will find a playlist at the bottom composed of songs that remind us of each other and our last four years at Rosary. The script also includes…well, we’ll just show you instead.

Back to the Megaarticle.

 

August 2018

In the square box of a room labeled 204 located on the north side of Acacia Avenue on an all-girls Catholic high school called Rosary Academy.

Mr. Bevins: Welcome to Honors English I. Pull out a pencil.

Anna: (big glasses; side part; long hair; sans bangs; sans pencil on the first day of English class) Psssst. Keira, right? Can I borrow a pencil? 

Keira: (no glasses; side part; short hair; sans extra three inches height; a bag full of pencils): Sure. Just give it back to me at the end of class.

Anna: (lying) Of course. I’ll give it back as soon as class is over.

Elena: (big glasses, side part, longish hair, braces) (not a part of the conversation at this moment)

Mr. Bevins: I’d like to introduce some seniors who do word-of-the-day skits sometimes at the beginning of class. 

(seniors perform what we now consider to be a subpar word-of-the-day skit)

Now, this next part of the story is a little controversial. Depending on who you ask, the events may differ. In Keira’s world, she says the following line. In Anna’s however, it’s hers. 

Keira or just as likely Anna (but most likely Keira): Hey, Elena, should we do those word-of-the-day skits but better?

Elena: (scared she would have no friends from her middle school decathlon trauma) Okay!

And scene. 

And that is exactly how it happened. Four years of friendship started in a single moment—a question rather—and the rest is history.

The girls spent the next four years gracing the halls of Rosary Academy: they sprinkled their English wit and obscure knowledge of “Megamind” quotes in every locker and classroom. They may have taken copious amounts of candy from Ms. Barclay ’94 as well as some hearts along the way. They—why are we talking about ourselves in the third person? 

Because we are iconic. But don’t just take our word for it. Take the people’s:

Ms. Barclay: These three girls are absolute trouble. They are a FARCE. They are the most genius trio I have ever come across. C’mon, you have the valedictorian, athlete of the year, and…whatever Anna is in one friend group? They’re practically unstoppable. Straight-up ridic. I should pay money to have them in my class, not the other way around. 

Mr. Bevins: Um. See well. Uh. Come back to me in a second. (while rocking back and forth on feet)

Mr. Rodriguez: What is this for? So, this is going to be posted on the internet? Are people going to read it? Okay. Yeah. Those girls are great. So many talents. None of them ended up being vegan though, which makes me sad. But I got to coach Elena in cross country; she can clearly run. And then there’s Anna. I directed her in “The Sound of Music.” She can clearly sing. And Keira. I never once had to give her acting tips during the spring musical. During her singular line where she shushes her partner, she never failed to give me chills. I felt that shhhh deep in my soul. Bravo. Brava. 

Mr. Stegink: Ridiculous. I want nothing to do with these hooligans. I have beef with the lot of them. DiCrisi and I? I gave her 1,000 demerits for stapling Sarni’s skirt during Journalism. Sarni and I? Oh, we have an outwardly spoken feud. There’s gonna be an ultimate showdown in Acacia Park after graduation. Don’t worry though, we are selling tickets. Walz and I? I don’t know. She’s alright…I guess.

Mr. Bevins: (tearing up) I’m not going to lie, when my precious little monster angel child, Rylee, was born, I thought that would be the most emotional moment of my life. But, coming up with this quote might just top it. I considered giving her three middle names (Keira, Anna, and Elena, naturally), but my wife, Stacey, was not fully on board with such an outright tribute. It needed to be more subtle. After learning that Anna’s middle name was Jane and Keira and Elena shared the middle name Marie, however, I felt as if my searching was complete. Rylee Jane Marie Bevins was then born, and my life had meaning.

What’d we tell you? 

We are iconic. 

While these quotes weren’t actually said by these teachers, we are quite confident this is what goes through their heads when they think about the J-Squad. Probably.

 

And now, onto Act Three: a poem written by Anna and Keira. Please pretend as though the following is written in Iambic Pentameter, with alternate stressed and unstressed syllables:

Oh school, oh school, where shall we start?

You have reached down our throats and to our hearts. 

From freshman WOW to seniors now,

It’s time to take the final bow.

Your bathroom stalls may be broken,

But some things are better left unspoken.

Morning prayer and the dismissal bell, 

We’ve fallen for this old motel.

With no more blue plaid skirts,

This lack of uniforms will make our hearts hurt.

Thank you for every triathlete and social chair,

And every opportunity to pin up our hair.

We danced and sang and cried plenty,

Lived our teenage years before we’re twenty.

And to our classmates, we thank you too.

Our hearts are proud to be class of ‘22.

Our memories now sewn into the soil, 

We’ve made every day a great day to be a Royal. 

Violent deafening applause ensues.

Thank you. Thank you. No, really, thank you. Stop. Stop it. You can stop clapping now. We know. We are iconic.

 

Lastly, before we go, we would like to say a few words. 

Anna: Keira and Elena in my life are the reason I am who I am. They came into my world when I was figuring it all out, and they showed me how to be myself. With them by my side, high school was everything I wanted it to be. As I say goodbye to Rosary and to the last four years, I will carry all the laughs and cries and memories with me for the rest of my life. Thank you for the adventure, my loves. Now, go have a new one. I’ll be right there with you. 

Keira: To sum up four years of friendship in a single article, or rather in a single quote, is something quite impossible to do. I could not be more grateful for Elena and Anna’s friendship and the memories made here at Rosary Academy. This school and these friends are a part of my heart and who I am. They create some of the brightest and most colorful pieces of this hectic, fantastic, crazy, and wonderful puzzle that I call life. With graduation only a few days away, my heart is saddened to know I will not see Elena and Anna’s shining faces around campus every day, but with the rest of our lives ahead of us, I know my friendship with them is far from over. “May the rest of our lives be the best of our lives.” -“Mamma Mia.” Here’s to many, many more years of laughter, tears, hugs, and memories. I love you 3000.

Elena: The saddest part of my life was the time when I talked to these two the least. I am very proud of the person I am now and that confidence would be impossible without their support. There’s this one sonnet that I absolutely love and I quoted it in my sophomore year speech project and the rhyming couplet at the end is kinda my favorite thing in the world: “But if the while I think on thee, dear friend, all losses are restor’d, and sorrows end.” I’ve been blessed to be taught the true value of friendship by Keira and Anna.  

 

Now, here’s a Megaarticle playlist of four years of stellar electric awesome fantastic astronomical friendship:

“Vienna” by Billy Joel

“Danke Schoen” by Wayne Newton

“That’s Amore” by Dean Martin

“Banana Pancakes” by Jack Johnson

“A Better Son/Daughter” by Rilo Kiley

“Hooked on a Feeling” by Blue Suede

“Only the Good Die Young” by Billy Joel

“La vie en rose” by Louis Armstrong

“Fun, Fun, Fun” by The Beach Boys

“Judy You Hung the Moon” by HARBOUR

“Thank You For The Music” by ABBA

“Tongues” by The Frights

“City of Stars” from “La La Land” by Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone

“Talk Too Much” by Coin

“Write This Down” by George Strait

 

This is the J-squad signing off. Anna DiCrisi, Elena Walz, and Keira Sarni out.

And scene.