Guys.

Where to begin?

Let’s first acknowledge that there is definitely a bit of general disconnect between the understanding of girls amongst guys. Specifically, what girls look for in guys. It’s inevitable. It’s normal. But it’s something that definitely should be helped.

We wanted to help solve this disconnect, and as senior year girls, we feel that we have just enough credibility to help shed light on such a subject.

Our interest in the subject sprung from a Servite survey sent to ASB and PAL leaders asking for their thoughts on relationships. The relationship survey was intended to help the guys gain a better understanding of what the Royals expect from a significant other. While we already answered these questions on our own, we wanted to further delve into students’ opinions. 

We talked to students at our school about what they look for in potential boyfriends. (Please only continue to read with an open mind and an awareness that we are merely high school students.) 

Let’s start with the basics.

1. What do girls consider to be the bare minimum?

Basic respect, for one. Under no circumstances should anything pertaining to race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexuality, or identity be a joking matter. This might seem like basic common sense, but we sometimes see girls praising guys simply for saying that things like racism and sexism are wrong. We’d like to point out that this is not an admirable quality, but a bare minimum standard.

Mia Kennedy ‘24 emphasized, “POLITENESS. Be polite and respectful to not just me but to the people around you. If you can’t do even that, then I don’t think you should even be dating someone in the first place.” 

Beyond basic respect, manners should also be a given. Maggie Lazo ‘22 shared, “Manners are the bare minimum. It’s nice when guys open the door for you or offer you their jacket, but any good friend would do that too. Both guys and girls should try to go out of their way for someone they like.” 

2. What qualities do you look for in a partner?

This question earned a plethora of positive adjectives and valuable qualities: honest, trusting, kind, caring, funny, respectful, intelligent, supportive, smart, and optimistic to name a few.

Let’s dig deeper though.

Girls like guys who are more in touch with their emotions.

Nia Delacruz ‘24 shared, “It’s really refreshing when guys aren’t afraid of feelings. I know that society kind of sets boys up to be that way, but it’s nice when guys aren’t under the mindset that it’s ‘girly’ to cry.”

In a perfect world, emotional intelligence would be a bare minimum standard. Feeling emotions isn’t a sign of weakness. We promise that girls prefer when a guy is emotionally in tune. Plus, being ‘girly’ shouldn’t be seen as a bad thing anyway. (Which leads to another point—femininity is also not a sign of weakness.)

Jacqueline “Jackie” Sanchez ‘23 added, “Whenever someone mentions what ‘qualities’ I look for, I don’t necessarily look for ones based on how attractive someone is. I usually look for who they are as a person. With all of the people I’ve liked, I end up falling for how they act as themselves, as well as how they treat people and the world around them.” 

On the other hand, Danielle Perez ‘22 said, “In a partner, a sense of humor is very important to me. I wouldn’t call myself a comedic genius, but I need someone to match my style. I knew a guy who liked French pop and the Smiths. He was a nightmare, but I enjoyed talking about music with him.” 

3. What is essential in a relationship?

This question earned a sweepingly common answer.

“Being able to communicate, especially when there’s something wrong,” said Lianna Enright ‘24.

“Definitely communication, romantic relationship or not,” communicated Katriel “Kat” Cenabre ‘23.

“One word—COMMUNICATION,” Liana Hanz ‘22 emphasized.

Ok, so it seems to be a commonly held belief that good communication helps lead to a well-based relationship. But why do people push for communication? 

If there is no communication, problems can’t be solved, differences can’t be mended, and an honest relationship can’t be attained. You can’t just run away from issues or pretend that not speaking about something will fix things. Not speaking up about reconcilable things does not make you a bigger person.

So as Katie Thomas ‘22 said, “Open. Communication. Is. Key.” 

4. What are some major red flags or “icks” in guys?

We’ll let people speak for themselves.

“When guys act differently whenever they’re around their friends, and when they don’t know how to take ‘no’ for an answer,” said Matilda Geronimo ‘24. Putting on an act around friends to seem cool only worsens relationships.

“When they don’t treat you with respect because it’s ‘not cool,’” Ava Perez ‘24 mentioned. It’s refreshing when guys aren’t afraid to still treat you the same around other people.

“Big egos,” Emma Fredman ‘23 noted. No one likes dating a narcissist.

“When they always think they’re in the right and can’t accept it when they’re wrong, and when he’s also a really big mansplainer…ugh,” explained Kat Cenabre. It is really annoying when guys feel the need to explain things for girls.

“Disrespects his mom, invalidates women, rude towards adults, bad hygiene, unironically makes thirst traps,” were a few icks Olivia Nicholas ‘23 added.

“When they snap pictures of a blank screen or their shoe, or when they date your friends after you break up with them,” Alex Bohn ‘23 stated.

“Bitmoji and the laughing emoji. I was friends with this guy for nine years. My senior year, we started to talk and went out. I could not stand his Bitmoji. It was an abomination. It wasn’t accurate, but he thought it was. He also used the laughing emoji unironically. Huge ick,” Danielle detailed. Both of these are pretty reasonable icks.

You may find yourself thinking, hey, I don’t do that! If you don’t do these things, then give yourself a pat on the back. But the fact these red flags were mentioned means that somewhere out there, a boy has exhibited one of these traits. Just keep an eye out.

5. What would be the worst first date?

The movies. Period. Ask anyone. It’s just too basic. 

“Sometimes you can make it work, but it’s much harder than normal because you can’t really talk and get to know the other person (which is exactly what a first date is about),” Katie Thomas explained.

First dates are for talking and getting to know each other, so a quiet movie theater would be unideal. 

6. What is something that girls wished guys understood? 

It would also be nice if all guys had an understanding of the struggles that girls have to go through in today’s society. Or at least had an awareness.

We aren’t just super emotional creatures that are incapable of being funny and are designed to please guys. And it sucks when people assume so.

Jackie Sanchez said, “Sometimes I feel like they can forget that we’re actual people. As girls, we’re often objectified and catcalled. It sometimes feels like boys are wrapped up in the mindset of making us objects to be their girlfriend or the butt of a joke.” 

Catcalling isn’t an acceptable form of complimenting, contrary to what some people may believe. It doesn’t make girls feel good in any way. It actually puts girls in uncomfortable situations and teaches them that their bodies are objects of pleasure that can be commented on. It would be nice for people to be more sympathetic towards universal female experiences.

It is upsetting we face these challenges on a daily basis, but guys can do simple tasks to improve. They can work on being more empathetic towards girl’s struggles and try to fully listen to our experiences. 

Hopefully, this article gave you better insight into the female psyche! At the end of the day, girls just want someone who is respectful, accepting, and loyal.