Ah, club rush. A time to find people with common interests. And be coerced into joining clubs your friends run. And to do the same to them. And of course, a time for free food.

The beloved Rosary tradition was finally able to return yesterday after a year of absence from the campus, and students were overjoyed at the variety of clubs, snacks, and goodies at their fingertips. New interests were just begging to be explored!

However, some passions were noticeably absent from the variety of tables in our beloved Karcher Center . . . and for good reason. Some interests are not meant to be explored: in fact, I would be personally offended if anyone dared to make a club out of the following ideas.

1. Anna DiCrisi Support Group

Unfortunately, this group is already established on Instagram, with a substantial following of 49 people. Anna is a menace to society: the girl refuses to lock her car, often babbles in the hallways, and always has too much going on. Anna DiCrisi does not need a support group, but rather some serious help.

2. College Board Cuties

If this is a study group for the SAT or AP tests, fantastic! If this is a College Board enthusiast group, absolutely not. Who do you think you are? College Board’s corruption cannot be matched. The amount of pain, extent of suffering, and hours of brain-racking that College Board has forced onto high school students everywhere CANNOT be celebrated. No.

3. Mud Run For Fun

Objectively, mud runs are probably the worst thing you could possibly do. Who would choose to 1) run an extremely long distance in their free time and 2) do it ON PURPOSE in a giant length of mud and gross-ness? And then not be able to shower for a long time? The answer: someone who is out of their minds. Just stop and admit you need therapy.

4. Taki Takers

Ok, maybe this one is just because the amount of spice I can handle is limited to the Chipotle queso, but I have never understood why people burn their mouths on purpose. If you enjoy Takis, that’s great! But I feel like an entire club devoted to them would cause permanent damage to students’ mouths and probably also digestive systems.

Luckily, none of these ideas were available among the hoards of clubs that gathered yesterday to recruit members. Do NOT take these ideas and bring them to life in the second semester, unless you want to find your club table flipped over and your snacks stolen by a mysterious force.